It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

When I check my mailbox today, I get a couple more cards...one from Evie and Tony, which was expected, she might not be as big a Christmas freak as my mom, but she likes to occupy herself with projects...I have to say, this card turned out great...



The next card I get surprises me...it's from Aunt Zoey & Uncle T-Bone...and it's one of these photo cards too...what the...?



It looks great, but they normally don't send stuff like this out...granted, I normally get a couple cards from them because Zoey rarely finds one card that says everything she wants it to say, but it's never a photo card...hmm, so I may as well give her a call...



Zoey: Hey!
Me: Hey Aunt Z...guess what I just got in the mail...
Zoey: Aw hell, did you get one of those stupid cards?
Me: Haha, how did you guess?
Zoey: I figured you'd get it about today...
Me: You all look good.
Zoey: Damn good thing too...
Me: Good Lord, Z, you're acting awfully bitter about this, you didn't have to do it ya' know.
Zoey: Yes I did.
Me: What are you...?  Oh, wait...
Zoey: Yup...she's your mother.
Me: Damn, what did she do?  Blackmail you or something?
Zoey: I wish...she found this photography studio with a two for one deal and made me go in on it with her.
Me: Haha, yeah, I hear ya...we probably had the same guy come over yesterday for ours...he was a nut job.
Zoey: More than I wanted to deal with...this damn photographer shows up, moves my Christmas decorations around, starts a fire in the fireplace when the thing hasn't been used in a decade, and makes us stand around looking like idiots for over an hour.
Me: Shit...that's pretty bad.
Zoey: You're tellin' me...here and I thought I was just doing a favor for a friend..."It'll be fun", "Come on, I won't get the deal unless you do it too"  Uh-huh...she's gonna have to go with full price next year.

By this time I'm freakin' rollin'.  She's cracking up too though.  Even though she's bitching, I know she doesn't really mind all that much.  She and my mom have always been good at facing life with a good sense of humor.  I'm pretty sure I was raised on sarcasm and high fructose corn syrup.  Hehe.

Oh, we got our cards made as well...I was on the fence as to which picture to use...

This one....


Or this one...


My mother threatened to disown me if I used the last one, but I figure if I'm going to send my loved ones a Christmas card, it may as well be more accurate to who we are...this picture is perfect.  The boys were bitching about having to be there, Naomi was excited about Santa coming, Mason was getting a migraine, and I was yelling at everyone...pretty true to reality, if you ask me.

My mother saw it differently.  I believe it went something like this:

Me: Mama, I don't want to send people some picture that's so over-posed it's not even realistic.
Mom: I'm all for being real, Hadley, but it's the holidays.  People don't want to see their loved ones the way they really are.  The holidays are a time for romanticized versions of ourselves, served up with a side of piping hot bullshit...so everyone can continue with the illusion that their family is doing great so no one feels the need to visit each other.
Just when I think my mother has lost all touch with reality, she hits me up with some disturbing cynicism about the human condition.  It's times like these that I remember she has a degree in psychology...for what it's worth.

But we came a compromise and decided on this...



The nice picture is the biggest and the real picture looks like a joke.
I'm satisfied and my mother is pacified, so I think we're good.

So I'm just about to get back to planning our Christmas party when my phone rings.  It's Tony.



Tony: Hey Hadley.  Are you busy?
Me: Not yet, what's going on?
Tony: Well, um...it's Evie.
Me: Oh God, is she ok?
Tony: Well...
Me: I'm on my way over.
Tony: Wait!  Hadley!  Don't hang up!  She's not physically hurt.



Me: What's going on?
Tony: You know how we have been trying to get pregnant for...I don't know, forever, right?
Me: Yeah, of course.
Tony: Evie went to the doctor again today and we got some bad news.  Apparently Evie isn't going to be able to have any children...at all.
Me: That doesn't make any sense...she had a miscarriage.
Tony: Well, we have been trying invitro for awhile and the doctor told her today after the last attempt failed that perhaps we should start looking into other options...either surrogates or adoptions.
Me: Oh God.  She must be devastated.
Tony: She's been outside avoiding me all day, but I can hear her sobbing in the backyard.  It's breaking my heart, Hadley.  I don't know what to do for her.
Me: I'll be right over.
Tony: Do you think you can help her?  Make her feel better?
Me: I don't know if I can make her feel better or not, but I'm going to be there regardless.

***  ***  ***  ***



When I get to their house, I find her like this.  She's not crying, but her face is stained with tears and mascara.  When I walk up, she doesn't even acknowledge that I'm there.  She just keeps staring.



In the time I take to walk up to the patio and sit down in the chair, I pray for an idea to come to me that might help me comfort my friend.  I can't think of anything.  I sigh and sit down.
Me: Hey.
That's the best I can do?  Ugh, I suck.



She doesn't reply and we sit there for what seems like hours.  I occasionally look at her, or try to make small talk, but she doesn't say anything more than a hmmm or a grunt.
Finally I decide to acknowledge it.
Me: *quietly* I'm really sorry.



Her head slowly moves toward me and she glares.
Whew, I look ahead.  Ok, if she wants to take out her anger on me, that's totally fine.  Anything is better than this silence.  She starts speaking.
Evie: It's not like I'm asking for a lot, ya know?
I just nod.
Evie: I just want the chance to have a baby, carry it in my body, and be a good mother...why is that too much to ask for?



I plan my words carefully even though I'm pretty sure nothing I can say will be the right thing at this point.  I reject false words of encouragement and just go with the truth.
Me: I don't know.
She stands up and starts pacing across the patio, muttering...then she walks back and sits back down...then she gets back up and starts sobbing.



Her body is shaking and slightly rocking and the saddest sound I have ever heard is coming from somewhere behind her hands.
I have never heard such gut-wrenching, sorrowful sobs come out of a human being before, much less come from my best friend.  They are packed with so much emotion that I want to start crying with her, but I know I can't.

I walk in front of her, reach in to hug her, and she flips.



Evie: IT'S NOT FAIR!
I worry she's going to punch me in the face for a second...
Evie: I JUST WANT ONE!  THAT'S ALL I WANT!  JUST ONE!  YOU HAVE A FUCKING 100...WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE ONE?

Oh crap...deep breaths...I know it isn't fair...and I am probably the worst person she should talk to right now, considering I have never had a problem getting pregnant (obviously), but this is my best friend and she's going through a hard time...I'm not leaving, even if she kicks my ass all over this place just to feel better.

I still can't think of anything to say to her, and I really would rather her not use my face as a punching bag, so I do the only thing I can think to do.  I push her arms down and hug her with all the strength I can muster.



She fights for a minute, but eventually her body goes limp.  She just lays her head on my shoulder and sobs some more.



There are times in every friendship where you have to know exactly what to say...and there other times when there is really nothing to say, and you don't know what to do, but somehow, by some miracle, just being there is enough.



I leave Evie's late that night with the assurance that if she needs me for anything, she will call me, no hesitations, questions, or exceptions.



When I get home though, I can't stop thinking about her.  I wish there could be something I could do...anything...unfortunately, Hallmark does not make a card for this occasion.



I go inside and talk to Mason.  I tell him everything that happened today and how I don't know what to do about it.
Mason: I don't know babe, it sounds like you did everything you could.
Me: See here's the thing though...I don't feel like I have.  I feel like there has to be something I can do.
Mason: You can't give her what she wants, love.  I know you want to make this ok for her, but you can't.  She just has to get through it.  All you need to do is be there for her.
Something he said gives me an idea...



Me: Wait...yes I can...
This makes him stop mid-motivational speech.
Mason: Huh?
Me: I can give her what she wants...well, not exactly...but close...I just hope she doesn't get offended...maybe it's too soon...I don't know...
Mason: Hel-lo! Hi, yeah, I'm the other person in this conversation...can you please fill me in?
Me: Oh, I'm sorry baby...I was just thinking...I can give her what she wants in a sense...
Mason: I'm not following.
Me: I just freakin' got done having 100 babies right?  So obviously among all of my talents, having babies is probably the one I'm best at, because I've spent the most time doing it, right?
Mason: a really kind of...disturbing way of looking at it, but ok...
Me: So...she needs to have a baby...and I can have one...I can be her surrogate.



Mason: Whoa, Hadley, are you sure about what you're saying?  You just got done having an astronomically high number of children...are you sure you want to have another one?
Me: Oh hell, Mason, what's one more?  I would carry another 100 for Evie if she wanted me to...I just...do you think it will offend her if I offer?
Mason: Hmm...I don't know...this is a touchy subject...all you can do is ask her.



So the next day...I go to her house prepared to tell her my idea...