Christmas is on Steroids This Year

Ring!  Ring! "Hey it's your mom, pick up the phone...it's your mom...I haven't called in like a couple hours, but pick up the phone...it's your mom!" The ringtone for when my mom calls buzzes from my pocket.
Me: Hello?
Mom: Hey honey!  Did you get mine and Daddy's Christmas card?
Me: Yup...I'm lookin' at it right now.
Apparently Christmas is on steroids this year.
Mom: Don't your little brother and sister look adorable?
*roll eyes*
Me: Yup.
My dad recently bought my mother two bichon frise puppies and my brother, sister, and I have had to refer to them as our "siblings" since the day they brought them home.  Okay, I'm totally down with my mom referring to them as her children, but do I really need to refer to them as my brother and sister?
Well, according to Daddy, yes...when I brought it up, I was bombarded with a barrage of  comments like, "It makes your mother so happy." and "you're not too old for the wood shed."  Ha.  As if.
Of course that last comment made Mason crack up and say something like, "that's what I tell her when she's naughty too."
Good Lord.  My family is crazy.  Why did I have to marry someone that was already fully assimilated?

But back to my phone conversation...
Mom: *rambling about making candy*...so I decided to cut back and just make peanut brittle, chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate chip cookies, puppy chow, monster cookies, sugar cookies,...oh, and your grandmother's peanut butter fudge.
Me: Oooh, save me some of the peanut butter fudge.
*tongue, meet eyebrow*
Mom: Get in line!  That stuff goes quicker than crack in a dark alley.
Me: Damn mom...
Mom: Is that not accurate?
Me: Well...yeah...
Mom: Anyway, we haven't gotten a Christmas card from you all yet...do you think it got lost?
Me: Um...no...we haven't had it done yet.
Mom: WHAT?!
Me: Geez mom, did you have to screech in my ear?
Mom: You have less than a week, Hadley!
Me: *guilt, guilt* I know...I swear we're going to get it done soon.
Mom: Ok, well we're looking forward to seeing it.  I have to go...I have choir practice for church and I have to get to the mall before it closes.
Me: Ok, talk to you later.  Love you.
Mom: Loveyoubye!



As I hang up the phone, I look at my completely undecorated house and sulk.  I just got all the Christmas clothes out..but that's about it...ugh...I don't even have a tree up yet.
*Sigh*  My mother would kick my ass.  She is a massive Christmas junkie...hence the crazy card.
Ugh...I need to get going on it...I guess the first thing to do is recruit slave labor...otherwise known as my children.
Me: Marco!
Lucas: Polo!
His voice was coming from the office, so I head that way.



Me: How is my favorite, incredibly genius son?



Lucas: Yeah, I'm genius enough to know you want something...



Me: Why, whatever do you mean?



Lucas: Ha!  Don't give me that crap, Mom.  What do you need?



Me: Ok, I need you to get the boxes of Christmas stuff out of the attic and bring it down here.
Lucas: *groan, moan* I have to do it all myself?
Me: I'm gonna help Luke, but no one else is home...and this has to get done...like, before next Christmas.

So Lucas and I head upstairs and get all the Christmas stuff out.



I get the tree up while Lucas gets the rest of the boxes...I know it seems weird that a mother with children in the house decorates the tree by herself, but seriously, it's only days before Christmas and no one has expressed interest yet, so I figure I may as well do it...I have gotten most of my buying and wrapping done already, so I put a bunch of packages under the tree too...and I put the garland up on the mantle...then I head upstairs to help Luke some more.

As I'm heading back down, I hear Mason coming home.



Mason: What is all this?
Me: Well damn, Mason...what does it look like?
Mason: It looks like a mess...
Me: It's our Christmas stuff...we have to decorate the house.



Mason: ...and by "we" you mean?
Me: The two of us...and the kids can help...
Mason: And does this work we're doing together consist of me doing all the heavy lifting and you telling me what to do?
Me: You know, we really do make a good team.
Mason: Oh God...ok...what do we need to do?



Me: We need to get the rest of the boxes of decorations out...
Mason: There's more boxes...Christ, my back is hurting already.
Me: Then we need to decorate in the house...you probably need to get the step ladder out so we can decorate up high...
Mason:  Ugh, aching...



Me: Then we need to put lights up outside...
Mason: On this huge two-story house?  Oh God...back..breaking...I think I need to sit...
Me: I'm not really sure if I want white or multicolored lights, but we can just get them both out and I can decide later...
Mason: Ugh, I think you've found my kryptonite...



Me: ...and I think I have this sleigh we can set up in the front yard...it takes a little bit to put it together, but it will be so pretty...I think I might want to take the Christmas picture for our cards on it...
Mason: Ugh...I'll probably need surgery by the time this holiday is over...



Me: ...and we need to get everything together for Christmas with the kids...and then we're doing dinner with the whole family...



Mason: OH LORD, I'M TIRED ALREADY.



Me: Damn, you don't have to be so over-dramatic.



Mason: I'm not baby, this is just a lot of work to spring on me right before Christmas.
Me: It's Christmas, you knew it had to be done...
Mason: I didn't know we had to do this much.



I hang my head.
Me: Ok, it's fine I guess...we don't have to do everything.
Mason: Oh no, don't start that.



Me: I'm not starting anything, you're right.  If I wanted all this done, I should have done it two weeks ago.
Mason: No, it's ok, what do you need me to do?
Me: *sigh* Nothing, it's fine.  Just having the tree up will be ok.
Mason: Oh God, baby, this isn't fair.  You know I can't handle you sounding so sad.



Me: I'm not sad, it's ok.  I'll just get the boys to put everything up so you don't have to worry about it.
Mason: This is like fighting with a one-armed man.  *heaving sigh*



Mason: I think it's a great idea to put this stuff up...I'm going to go get started on the lights.  I'm really excited about it.
Me: *meekly* Really?
Mason: Yes, I was just teasing you.  This is going to be a great Christmas.



Me: *jumping up and down* Yay!  I think you're right baby.  Thank you.
Mason: You know I love you, right?
Me: I love you more. *peck on the cheek* Didn't you say you were going to get started today?
Mason: *sigh* Yup, I'm going.