Friday, September 20, 2013

Gen. 2: Do I Even Have Time to Write This?

Raise your hand if you have ever given birth to eight babies.
Raise your hand if you have ever given birth to eight babies, had to scramble to find them cribs, and had a screaming toddler on top of it?

Hmm, party of one I see.

Birthing these babies was time consuming enough, raising them is proving to be much harder.


Poor Lenna damn near starves daily and I just know that any minute social services is going to bust in and take my children...and I might not stop them.


If you ever want to know what it's like to take care of eight babies and a toddler, first set up nine different alarm clocks in three different rooms to go off every fifteen minutes three different times, then when the first one goes off, blow up a balloon and fill it with chocolate pudding, leaving it next to the alarm.  Then go to the next one and do the same thing until you get through all nine alarms.  
Next, the second alarm on these clocks are probably already going off, so run back to the one that's been beeping the longest and pop the balloon.  Clean up the mess it made all the while the other alarms are going off.  Do this at every alarm.
By then, the third alarm will be going off, so turn off all the lights in the house, run to the alarm that's been beeping the longest again and try to find the button to make it stop.  Do this with all nine clocks, then go back and reset all those bitches.

Do this for a week, sleep only when no alarms are going off, and see how you feel.


I feel sorry for poor Lenna.  She was an only child until all these alien babies came to be.  I am eternally grateful for the self-learning toys my mom bought for Lenna because if it weren't for those, she would never have learned her skills.  I just had to potty train her.


Lenna has my mother's eyes, which makes me miss her.  She has her black hair and blue eyes and is a quiet child and rarely demands attention, which let's face it is good because I have no attention to give her.


I literally have not slept in days.  I remember what my mom went through raising the quints - it was hard, but at least she had my sister Vickie and some time to sleep.  It might have only been two or three hours, but it was some time.  I DREAM of two hours of sleep.  Honestly one hour would be great.  The max amount of sleep I have had ever since these babies were born was fifteen minutes.


...and that was only because I passed out on the floor and I was in such a deep slumber I didn't hear the babies screaming.  Thankfully Lenna came in and woke me up.

Amazingly, the babies and I have both survived to the toddler phase.  Even though I am glad for that, I am dreading this age.  This is where they get mobile and knowing this crowd they might murder me.


The ringleader is Silla.  She has the green alien skin and black hair, but she has my eyes.  Her ears are also pointy.  I guess those alien genes are pretty dominant.


Next up is Rae.  She is a sweetheart and much quieter than Silla, which is good because they share a room.  She has long black hair and big, weird black alien eyes.  


Ezekiel is my first boy and looks like a male version of Rae.  He also acts a bit like her, more quiet then the others.


Lucinda is anything but quiet.  She is always the first one to start screaming and will not stop screaming until she is absolutely satisfied.  She has my blue eyes, but they are shaped slightly different and hair with my purple tips.


Marques has the alien eyes, dark brown skin, and pointy ears.  I have no clue where the dark skin came from, but I can only assume it has something to do with alien breeding as everything else does.  Marques is my little genius.  He is always working on things, which at this stage translates to getting into everything.


If toddlers could be sarcastic, Cash definitely would be.  He has slight lighter skin then Marques and my blue eyes and pointy ears.  He also always has a look of judgment and a smirk on his face, as if he's ready to start making fun of me any time.  This generally means that he spends a lot of time picking on his siblings.


Salina looks the most like me, with the exception of the green skin and black hair.  She seems very musical already.  If I put a music box in the girls' room, they all go to sleep but her.  She spends her time laughing and giggling at it.


Corinna is another genetic phenomenon with her blonde hair and her skin isn't as green as the others.  She kind of makes me nervous because I have noticed Aurora Skies seems to be overrun with blonde haired white people.
Either way, Corinna is the most patient of my babies, mostly because she is always the last to be cared for.


Taking care of this brood is ridiculously hard.  I get a little more time because they are starting to sleep more frequently, which is good because I can sleep and eat.


"Mama, what's that smell?" Lenna asks me one night.

Well, I can do almost everything.  I still haven't had time to take a shower.


Whether this is bad parenting or not, most of the time I just let the babies sleep on the floor.  It's a time saver really.  They pass out wherever they are and when they wake up the usually just start playing with whatever it was they were playing with the night before.  And we're all happy...until they're hungry...or need changing.


Lenna helps when she can, but most of the time it's either occupying them or handing out bottles.

Either way, she does work really hard taking care of her siblings and keeping up with school...not to mention pretty much taking care of herself because I never have time, so when I have enough money together, I work on a surprise for her.


I finish the basement downstairs and give her a bedroom of her own.  I make it pink, green, and orange because those are the most girly colors I can possibly think of, and Lenna is definitely a girly girl.


The biggest thing is I actually put a desk with a computer in her bedroom.


And I also finished out the rest of the basement into a family room and put in a TV.


Of course all of this leaves me broke.  I haven't really had a whole lot of time for anything since the octuplets were born.


Finally, finally it is time for the kids to age up...and not soon enough!  Maybe I can go back to doing something besides cleaning up baby fluids all day!

The Octuplets as children:


Baby 61) Silla - the no nonsense tomboy


Baby 62) Rae, sweetheart.


Baby 63) Ezekiel - the quiet one.


Baby 64) Lucinda - the loud, opinionated one.


Baby 65) Marques - the genius/pretty boy


Baby 66) Cash - the smart ass


Baby 67) Salina - the song bird


Baby 68) Corinna - the good listener

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Gen. 2: Babies 61-68: Wait...What? Why You Can't Trust Aliens


"Where's Granny's sweet angel?  Where is she?  Oooh, there she is!" I can hear my mother playing with Lenna.


Lenna giggles as my mom continues to make funny faces and play with her.


"See how much Lenna is going to miss you," I try my best at guilting her.
Still looking at Lenna she replies, "That's not going to work."
I start pouting like I did when I was a kid.  What is it about mothers?  I'm reverting now apparently.  Maybe it is good that she's going home.


"Although, I can't leave without knowing that you're going to be okay," she tells me seriously.
"Well that settles it, I don't think I'm going to be okay in any immediate future," I reply.
Mom glares at me, "I'm serious.  What are you going to do from here?"
"Mom, I honestly have no idea..." I start.
"Well are you going to continue your challenge?" she asks the million dollar question.
I sigh, "I don't know.  I can't think about that right now...it hurts too much."


She looks at me for a minute, as though she is thinking about what I just said, "Maybe it will help you heal," she finally replies.
I silently think that I'm not sure anything will do that, but I don't say anything.  As much as I hate it, I know she has to get back to my little brother and sister and I have to concentrate on taking care of my daughter.  It's not fair for Lenna to suffer just because her mother is crazy.


So I just pull my mother into a hug and reassure her, "I'll be fine Mom, it'll be okay."
"I hope so baby girl," she replies.


When my mom leaves, I sit down with Lenna and say aloud, "Well, I guess it's just the two of us."

I get to sit there for maybe five minutes before she starts crying and a tell-tale odor starts coming off of her.
"How about a change and a bath little one?" I look down at her.
She replies by screaming.  Nice.
This might be a nice place to live, but the conversation is definitely lacking.


When I get her diaper off of her and into the tub, her screaming only gets louder.  Apparently she hates baths. 


"It's okay baby, calm down," I try to reassure her but nothing works.
She is nothing but a slippery, wiggling, screaming mess while I suds her down.

Thankfully I don't drop her, but after all that fuss she is tired so I put her in her crib and go to sleep myself.


As soon as Lenna and I get used to our new house and new routine, it's time for her first birthday.


She is an adorable little girl who looks more like her father but has my mother's hair and our blue eyes.

Despite my general melancholy mood, Lenna is always happy and becomes the ray of sunshine in my otherwise bleak life.  Damn, I sound melodramatic...and possibly borderline manic depressive, but what can I say?


Even though I don't have much to do, I try to occupy my time with fun activities.  Of course most of them are done outdoors.  I still like to spend plenty of time outside.


One night, while I'm outside playing in the sprinklers, I hear someone crying.
"Hello?" I ask aloud, "Is someone there?"

I hear a sniffle and an answer, "Yes..."
I stop to think, do psycho killers normally cry and answer when asked?  Not usually...but maybe this is a strange psycho killer...

I walk around my yard and finally see the source of the crying and the voice.


A green man is in my yard.  It's hard to see, but he has strange eyes and ears...he definitely doesn't look exactly human...
"Can I help you?" I ask him.


This is the point where he looses his shit, "Oh my goodness!  Are you Bonnie Reed?  The Bonnie Reed?"
I look at him strangely but answer, "Yyesss..."


"Then there is hope after all!" He exclaims.
"I'm sorry," I interject, "but can you please explain what you're talking about?"
"Of course, my apologies," he answers, "let me introduce myself.  Well, sort of...the human name I go by is Irfan Outlaw.  I can't tell you my real name because it requires me to use my full range of voice which is at a decibel so high that it could very well damage your human hearing and make your head explode."
"Uh..." now I'm really confused, "Okay...so let's not do that."
"Of course not." He answers, "but I'm so glad I found you because I know you can help me."
"Uh...okay, what can I do for you?" I ask.
"I am from a planet very far from here and several of my kind have been sent her to learn about the human species..." he begins to explain.
"You aren't going to probe me are you?  Because I'm not really down with that...I'll tell you whatever you need to know." I interrupt.
"No, of course not," he replies, "Probing is an archaic form of scientific study...we are much more advanced than that."
I am relieved, "Oh, well good."
"We have actually learned all we need to and have advanced to the next level of scientific discovery." He tells me, "Of course, that is where I have failed as a researcher."
He hangs his head and I pat him on the shoulder, "Um...there, there.  I'm sorry.  But how can I help?"
He looks up at me hopefully, "The next phase of our research is breeding."


Breeding?  Shit.
"Did my mother send you?" I ask.
"Your mother?  Ah, the infamous Hadley Reed?  No...she did not." He answers simply.
"Okay, so let me guess, you want me to carry your spawn?" I ask.
He sighs, "It would be of utmost help to me, you see, I have yet to find a human woman to mate with.  All of my colleagues are busy studying their young and I am a failure."  He starts to cry again.
I sigh.  I can't stand the site of a man crying...even an alien man...ugh.  Why do I get myself into these situations?
"Don't cry," I tell him, "I'll be glad to have your baby."
He literally jumps up and down, "Oh thank you!  Thank you!  When can we begin the mating process?"
He steps a bit closer to me and I worry that he's going to start the "mating process" right her.
"Whoa cowboy, hold your horses.  Let me get my daughter to bed and we'll get things going.  Please come in...help yourself to anything you want in the fridge.  I'll be right back."


I pick Lenna up out of her walker and ask her, "How does Mama get herself in these situations, Len?"
"Maaaama...maaaama...maaaaama," is the only thing she replies.
Her talking is kind of slow and the only thing she can say is my name over and over again, like the beginning of a chant, but it's still cute.

I get her to bed and come back downstairs.


I find Irfan downstairs looking at my bookshelves.  I hope he doesn't eat them.  It didn't occur to me that maybe they eat different things than we do.
"See anything of interest?" I ask him.
"Your taste in human literature is vast, and I see no television.  The rumors about you are true then?" He responds.
"Rumors?" I ask.
"That you reject all human technology," he responds.
"Reject...despise...whatever you want to call it." I tell him.
"I am curious to see if you would respond to our technology...it is not metal and bulky, but small and fleshy...and often implanted directly into the skin at birth." he tells me.
Ick.  Just thinking about that gives me the heebie jeebies, "there won't be any implanting of anything in that baby will there?"
"No, it won't be necessary," he says.
Thank goodness.


So we go about "mating" which is pretty similar to human "mating" even though he says that it would be different if I were a woman of his species, but because the implantation happens in my body, we need to mate the way humans do.

I know what you're thinking, Bonnie has found herself such a charmer, hasn't she?

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.


The next day I put Lenna back into her walker.  She loves this thing.  Isn't she so cute?


She would sit and play in it all day, but I have better plans.


We go on a walk to the local grocery store and at first she is sulky that I made her get out of her walker, especially since she was practicing taking some steps...


...but eventually she learns to love it.


When we get home I start to work on a garden, so Lenna goes back to her walker.


Over the next few days, my stomach starts to grow.
"Hey there little alien baby," I tell him or her.  This one never seems to quit kicking.  I hope it only has one set of arms and legs...and everything else is in the right place.
Hmm, I didn't think to ask.  I am really losing my touch with this having babies thing.


Either way, my stomach continues to grow and the baby never seems to sleep.


Thankfully my cravings are still the same...I fixed vegan spaghetti...and it was delicious!


Finally one night I am woken up by tremendous pains...this can only be labor.


The weird thing is, something feels different about this labor...I'm not really sure what and I have no time to ponder it because soon....


One baby comes out...


...then a second...


...and a third...


...a fourth...


...fifth...


..sixth...


...seventh...


..and finally eighth...

By the end of the day, I have given birth to eight brand new babies.  Five girls and three boys.

What the hell?

The new babies are:
Baby 61: Silla Reed (girl)
Baby 62: Rae Reed (girl)
Baby 63: Ezekiel Reed (boy)
Baby 64: Lucinda Reed (girl)
Baby 65: Marques Reed (boy)
Baby 66: Cash Reed (boy)
Baby 67: Salina Reed (girl)
Baby 68: Corinna Reed (girl)

Irfan failed to mention that his kind don't have just one or two children, they have entire litters.  Great.