An Unexpected Visitor...Sort Of

Having yet another set of triplets...and being sort of lonely...I age Kevin, Tonya, and Iana up as soon as they are able...after speaking with them about it first...of course, how many kids do you know that aren't just chomping at the bit to become teenagers?

Kevin grows his hair out long and pretty much constantly has headphones on...he's really into music...or he's really into drowning his mother and sisters out...

Tonya is beautiful...she is very girly and into makeup and dresses.

Iana is almost as girly as Tonya, but with a little edge to her. 

Both the girls are so good with Phillip, Kash, and Liam...and I have to admit, I appreciate the help.  I had really gotten used to having an extra hand around here...

I pick out the next baby daddy quickly...I feel like jumping right into another pregnancy...I'm anxious to get the challenge done.

One morning, Iana offers to give me the morning off with the boys.  I guess I've been a little on edge.  The first thing she does is age them up.  Of course, they're adorable.

Phillip

Kash

Liam

While she's doing all that, I decide to do some meditating...

Through complete focus and concentration, I am able to zen out so much, I reach some kind of peak...and then, the weirdest thing happens...

All of a sudden, I am in a huge garden...the sun is so bright I can barely see.  My hair is longer and I am wearing a long white dress.  Even though I don't know where I am, I feel at ease.  This place seems so peaceful.

I walk toward a huge, beautiful fountain...and I see a man on the other side, looking off in the distance so I can't see his face...I know he's a man, because even though he has long hair, his shoulders are broad...unusually broad...and he's very tall, muscular...I swear he looks familiar...as I walk closer, I can see his hair is long and luxurious...and it has beautiful shining colors of red, brown, and yellow throughout it...I've only known two people in my whole life with hair like that...one is my daughter, Rachel...and the other...

Just as the realization hits me, he turns around and confirms it...I can't believe my eyes...how is this even possible?

Phury!  When he sees me, he smiles, that easy, familiar smile that I got so used to seeing, so long ago...

He doesn't speak, but I start walking faster to get to him..as fast as this long dress will let me...

It seems to be taking so long...

But I finally reach him.
Me: Phury!  What are you doing here?  I didn't think you could ever come back...and what are you doing out in the sun?  I have missed you so much, how is everyone doing in your world?

Phury: Whoa!  Slow down, one question at a time!

He chuckles while I try to collect all the words running through my head and turn them in to intelligible sentences.
Me: What are you doing here?
Phury: You called for me.

Me: How?  I don't remember calling you...
Phury: *points at my chest*  In there...your heart called me.
Me: My heart?  What?  I don't remember giving it phone privileges.

Phury: *laughs* You still have your sense of humor, I see.  Just like I remember you.

He smiles in a way that makes my heart go pitter patter.  Man, how I've missed him.

Phury: Okay, let me explain.  I suppose your heart called me because you haven't been listening to it.
Me: What is that supposed to mean?  Everything you tell me keeps confusing me more.

Phury: Really?  Are you sure you can't figure this out?
Me: Isn't that what you're here for?  I called you and everything apparently...
I am really getting sick of the philosophical crap...

Phury: What your heart wants isn't something anyone else can tell you, Hadley.  You have to figure it out.
Me: Well then, why the hell did it call you?
Phury looks deep into my eyes.  He cups my face in his hands and gently caresses my cheek with his thumb.
My Heart: THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP
Phury: You've been denying yourself something...for a very long time.
Suddenly the flood gates open and I realize what's going on.  What I have been feeling for so long and have never been able to truly express it.
Me: ...and you being here?

Phury caresses the side of my cheek as he drops his hands down.

Phury: Really just a reflection of what your heart most desires.
Me: You?
Phury: No, more like what we had when we were together.

I remember what it was like, him living with me.  Being my companion, helping to raise my children.  I remember feeling like he truly understood me.  He immediately put me at ease.

Me: But, if I could only have what I wanted with you...
Phury: You don't really want me.  You indulged yourself while I was there because you knew I could only be there for a short time.  I was safe.

With those words, flood gates seem to open and a single tear rolls down my cheek.

Phury: Why are you crying?
Me: I've made a mess of things, Phury.  Even if I give in, what if it's too late?
Phury: You've been doing that for way to long.
Me: What?
Phury: Trying to protect yourself, and your heart.  It doesn't need protecting.  Feel what you want to feel, without worrying about breaking your heart.
Me: But...*sob, sniffle*...what if it doesn't work...and my heart gets broken?
Phury: Then you will endure it, but living the way you have been, without truly opening yourself up to anyone,  isn't truly living.  It's just existing.
Me: Surviving.
Phury: Surviving what?

Me: Through my life...through...ya' know, I have survived a lot...did you know I was kidnapped?
Phury: That's not what I'm talking about and you know it.  You have done all these amazing things, but you have never truly put your heart in a position where it's vulnerable.
Me: Maybe that's just how I want to live my life.
Phury: I don't think you do.  Otherwise, we wouldn't be here.

Phury takes my hands into his.
Me: What if it's too late?  What if I'm not enough?
Phury: You are such an amazing woman, Hadley.  I don't understand why you can't see that.
Me: I don't know...
Phury: Yes you do.

As abruptly as I went into that world, I am back in my own.

...Oh crap...

...and falling on my ass...I sit on my sore rump for a minute, contemplating what just happened.

Then I pull myself up...and come to a conclusion.

For the first time, I know exactly what I want.