Gen. 2: Baby 60: This Ain't My Mama's Broken Heart

There's no easy way to say this.  I don't want to say it because that would make it real.  I would much rather just sleep.  I can't take reality right now.

Okay, here it is.  My children - Polly, Haylia, Rayne, Liberty, Nellie, even Marc and Dalphie were taken from me.  Along with Brendan...they're all...gone.

It started right after I had the twins and Niko, Polly's father started coming around more.  Well, turns out he was crazier than we thought.  Remember when he took Polly when she was a toddler?  He did it again, but he took everyone...and then...I can't even say it...

Then their bodies were found out in the desert.  I had to identify them.  They were all dead.  They were all shot in the back of the head and I can't stop thinking about how frightened they must have been...and I couldn't be there for them.  Even the twins were nothing but ghost goo.  It was the worst and hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

Even though they captured Niko and he's going to be locked away for the rest of his life, I was still afraid to stay in Lucky Palms.  I ran as far as I could to Aurora Skies. It's a small developing town and I'm hoping maybe I can just get lost here.

"Bonnie?" I hear a familiar voice and realize that I can never truly escape one person.

The lights come on and hurt my eyes.  I shut them quickly and pretend to be asleep.

"Bonnie, that didn't work when you were a kid and it's not going to work now."  My mother tells me as my last hope of avoiding her is dashed.

"How did you find me?" I ask pathetically.

She gives me a look that clearly says, "Oh please."

"You have two grandmothers that refuse to leave anyone alone, a grandfather that's a cop, an aunt that could find Amelia Earhart if she dared to ever use Google even once, and a mother who knows her baby girl is hurting and laying somewhere alone.  Gandalf the Grey yelling 'You shall not pass!' couldn't keep me away from you right now." she explains ever so eloquently.

"Wonderful," I grumble, "Can't I just lay here a little longer?"

She sighs.  As pushy as she can be sometimes, she seems to know this isn't something one of her "Get up and kick ass" speeches can fix right now.

She runs her hand through my unwashed hair and I can feel the tears starting to well up again.  I need to sleep.  I'm not ready to deal with this just yet.

"Okay baby," she tells me, "you just sleep and I'll wait here."

As I drift off, I hear her mumbling, "I can't believe I raised a daughter who doesn't have a TV in her house."

I can't help but smile...just a little.

When I wake up, I see my mom reading an old book that was left by the previous owners.  I feel kind of bad for her, but I can't stand TVs or computers or any of that technology crap.  She's lucky I have a phone.

As I wake up she notices and puts her book down.

"Better?" she asks.

What is it about my mother being here that is completely breaking my resolve? 

As soon as I sit up, I start to sob.

Mom runs to me and pulls me up into her arms.

"I'm so sorry baby," she keeps whispering as she rubs my back and holds me tight.

All I can do is let her comfort me.  Amazingly it is helping...slightly.

After what seems like ages she pulls away and I am left to support my broken body.

"Sweetie, I know this is hard right now, but maybe the best thing to do is throw yourself back into the challenge." Mom tells me.

I can't believe what I'm hearing.  She wants me to bring more children into the world just so they can be tortured and murdered?

I shake my head, "No, I'm done with the challenge.  I don't want to have any more children."

Mom looks concerned, "Honey, I know it seems hard right now, but..."

I lose it on her, "No!  You don't get it!  You have never had a child that has died...you've never had seven children and the love of your life die...how am I supposed to go on after that?!"

She puts her hand on my shoulder as I start to hyperventilate.

Even though I'm struggling to catch my breath, I hear her, "You have to find a way to go on."

This of course sends me into another fit of sobs...this time on the floor.  I don't want to go on.  I would be totally fine living the rest of my miserable days on that couch...of course I have to find a way to make money...damn it.

I wonder for a second if my mom would go for me moving in with her and Mason...but of course they're raising more kids right now...I don't think I can ever be around a child again.

After helping me up off the floor my mom offers me a deal, "Look, I'm not saying continue with the challenge right now, but how about we start off with something simple...like a shower...then maybe fixing your hair, your makeup...putting on clean clothes?"

I roll my eyes because she genuinely sounds like a nagging mother, but after getting a whif of myself when I got up, I know she's right.

Looking in the mirror, I'm surprised I don't break it.  

"Bonnie, you look like shit," I tell my reflection.  My reflection agrees.

After a shower, I work on my hair, which is back to it's normal black with purple tips and I will say just brushing it helps.  I also go for a little makeup...

Well, even though I'm falling apart inside, at least I look good on the outside.

Before I head out into the living room for my mom's approval, I stop to think about how much I wanted to have a big family and be surrounded by children...but I don't know how I can possibly continue this challenge having gone through what I have.

Since my mom approves of my hair, makeup, and outfit, she suggests we actually get out of the house.

"I don't want to go anywhere where there's lots of people..." I complain.

"We don't have to," Mom says, "why don't we just go to the beach?  There's like twelve of them on this pamphlet for Aurora Skies, surely they won't all be crowded."

Even though I groan and mumble, I follow her to the cab.

Even though Aurora Skies looks like a pretty little town, I'm not in the mood to sight-see.

As soon as we get to the beach, Mama gets in the pool and I head for the bar.  I can certainly deal with today a lot better if I have a few drinks.

I will say Mama looks content in the pool, but I'm not a pool girl...I'm more of a wilderness, jump buck-naked in the ocean girl.  Yes, I've had a few drinks...and?

Even though this beach is rocky and the stones are cutting into my feet, I enjoy spending time in the water.  It's calm and peaceful here, unlike living in Lucky Palms where it was flashy and dirty...and sandy...and obviously dangerous.

I could stay in the water all day, but I hear Mama calling me, "Bonnie, you're gonna prune, and I'm starving...do you have any food at home?"

"Nope," I answer her as I try to avoid her voice by dunking myself under the water like I did when I was a kid.  I really have no interest in eating.

"Can we please go somewhere to eat?  My stomach is gnawing on my backbone." she tells me dramatically.

So we head to the diner and grab a bite and on the way home she sees a karaoke bar.

"Oh come on, we have to go in!" Mom exclaims.

I groan and roll my eyes but the cab driver has already stopped and she is pulling me inside, "Come on, there's more drinks inside."

This makes me move a little faster.

Several drinks later and my mom convinces me to get onstage with her and sing a song.

As I sing (which I am absolutely no good at), I channel my anger and sorrow into to the song and probably do a great job at butchering it.

"Hey, that was great!" the proprietor comes up to me after we finish our song, "Have you considered singing professionally?"

I laugh at his obvious lies, "No, but thank you."

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a business card, "If you ever want to get into the biz, give me a call."

I don't know whether it's the drinks or what, but there's something definitely sexy about him...Baldur Eharsson...that's a weird name, but whatever.

*HADLEY'S POV*

When I see my daughter getting her flirt on with this strange guy, I am torn.  I should probably stop her because she's drunk and is probably going to end up making a big mistake, but maybe this will help give her the push she needs to get back into her life, continuing her challenge, and feeling better about everything.

Even though I know Bonnie is going to be mad tomorrow, I just stand back and don't say anything.  Maybe she'll even get pregnant.

I leave the happy (very intoxicated) couple alone and head to the dance floor.

Before I get there, I am stopped by a young boy, "Hey there sexy..." he slurs his words.

I turn around and look into the eyes of a kid so young I feel like a pedophile just being in the same social area that he's in, "Please kid, I've got underwear older than you." 

*BONNIE'S POV*

The next morning, I sleep all day and wake up feeling like I want to die.

I am so nauseous I can't keep anything down.  Worst.  Hangover.  Ever.

Then my phone rings.

Who the hell has my phone number?

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hey, it's Baldur," the voice responds.

"Who?"  I'm confused.

"Haha, yeah, we were pretty wasted last night huh?  I just wanted to call and tell you that I had a great time last night...I was freaked out at first when I heard about the whole challenge thing, but your roommate explained it all to me and I'm cool with it now."  He says.

That's a whole lot of information for one sentence.

"My roommate?" I ask.

"Yeah, that hot chick with the black hair...you guys sort of look alike..are you sisters or something?" he asks.

"What did she say to you?" I ask.

"When we were hanging out you started saying something about not wanting to finish your baby challenge and it freaked me out, but when I started to book, your roommate told me that if you got pregnant or whatever that you would raise the kid and I wouldn't need to do anything...that's cool, huh?"

"So we...?" I start feeling sick again, "I gotta go."

After puking again, I head out to possibly kill my mother.

"Mom?!  What happened last night?" I ask her as she heads out to the grill to cook some tofu dogs I have in the fridge.

"Oh...did you and that boy hit it off?" she asks innocently.

"He just called...he told me all about how my 'roommate' told him about my challenge...what the hell Ma?!" I confront her.

"I wanted to make sure that if you happened to get pregnant that he understood what the rules were," she says, still innocently.

I can't believe her, "Mom, I've told you before...I'm done with the challenge..."

"I know hon, I heard you before," she says.

After dinner, I am hit with another wave of nausea and I fear that I am pregnant.

"I hope you're happy with yourself," I tell her.

"I just want you to be happy...and I'm not the one that drank too much and brought someone home," she says.

"Yeah well, you didn't We-Gotta-Go girl me either, did you?" I accuse.

I sit down in my chair and sulk.

Mom of course looks happy.

"Look at it this way sweetie, at least you can just start to move on with your challenge," she says.

"Oh no, this does not mean I'm starting my challenge again," I tell her.

She humphs and says under her breath, "Why do I have to have such stubborn children?"

"Apple fell where you dropped it," I tell her.

Over the next couple of days, it becomes apparent that I am going to be having a baby.  I immediately start freaking out.  I lost everything when I ran from Lucky Palms and I'm living in a small one-bedroom house.

"Where am I supposed to keep a baby in this house?  My bedroom barely has room for a bed.  And I don't have a whole lot of money..." I am complaining.

"It will work out honey," she says.

I'm glad she's sure about it.

I go into labor late at night and my mom takes me to the hospital.

I come out completely exhausted with a baby girl I name Lenna - which means lion's strength.  Lord knows I'm gonna need it.