The Reed Family Baby Challenge: March 2013

"Where's Granny's sweet angel? Where is she? Oooh, there she is!" I can hear my mother playing with Lenna.

Lenna giggles as my mom continues to make funny faces and play with her.

"See how much Lenna is going to miss you," I try my best at guilting her.

Still looking at Lenna she replies, "That's not going to work."

I start pouting like I did when I was a kid. What is it about mothers? I'm reverting now apparently. Maybe it is good that she's going home.

"Although, I can't leave without knowing that you're going to be okay," she tells me seriously.

"Well that settles it, I don't think I'm going to be okay in any immediate future," I reply.

Mom glares at me, "I'm serious. What are you going to do from here?"

"Mom, I honestly have no idea..." I start.

"Well are you going to continue your challenge?" she asks the million dollar question.

I sigh, "I don't know. I can't think about that right now...it hurts too much."

She looks at me for a minute, as though she is thinking about what I just said, "Maybe it will help you heal," she finally replies.

I silently think that I'm not sure anything will do that, but I don't say anything. As much as I hate it, I know she has to get back to my little brother and sister and I have to concentrate on taking care of my daughter. It's not fair for Lenna to suffer just because her mother is crazy.

So I just pull my mother into a hug and reassure her, "I'll be fine Mom, it'll be okay."

"I hope so baby girl," she replies.

When my mom leaves, I sit down with Lenna and say aloud, "Well, I guess it's just the two of us."

I get to sit there for maybe five minutes before she starts crying and a tell-tale odor starts coming off of her.

"How about a change and a bath little one?" I look down at her.

She replies by screaming. Nice.

This might be a nice place to live, but the conversation is definitely lacking.

When I get her diaper off of her and into the tub, her screaming only gets louder. Apparently she hates baths.

"It's okay baby, calm down," I try to reassure her but nothing works.

She is nothing but a slippery, wiggling, screaming mess while I suds her down.

Thankfully I don't drop her, but after all that fuss she is tired so I put her in her crib and go to sleep myself.

As soon as Lenna and I get used to our new house and new routine, it's time for her first birthday.

She is an adorable little girl who looks more like her father but has my mother's hair and our blue eyes.

Despite my general melancholy mood, Lenna is always happy and becomes the ray of sunshine in my otherwise bleak life. Damn, I sound melodramatic...and possibly borderline manic depressive, but what can I say?

Even though I don't have much to do, I try to occupy my time with fun activities. Of course most of them are done outdoors. I still like to spend plenty of time outside.

One night, while I'm outside playing in the sprinklers, I hear someone crying.

"Hello?" I ask aloud, "Is someone there?"

I hear a sniffle and an answer, "Yes..."

I stop to think, do psycho killers normally cry and answer when asked? Not usually...but maybe this is a strange psycho killer...

I walk around my yard and finally see the source of the crying and the voice.

A green man is in my yard. It's hard to see, but he has strange eyes and ears...he definitely doesn't look exactly human...

"Can I help you?" I ask him.

This is the point where he looses his shit, "Oh my goodness! Are you Bonnie Reed? The Bonnie Reed?"

I look at him strangely but answer, "Yyesss..."

"Then there is hope after all!" He exclaims.

"I'm sorry," I interject, "but can you please explain what you're talking about?"

"Of course, my apologies," he answers, "let me introduce myself. Well, sort of...the human name I go by is Irfan Outlaw. I can't tell you my real name because it requires me to use my full range of voice which is at a decibel so high that it could very well damage your human hearing and make your head explode."

"Uh..." now I'm really confused, "Okay...so let's not do that."

"Of course not." He answers, "but I'm so glad I found you because I know you can help me."

"Uh...okay, what can I do for you?" I ask.

"I am from a planet very far from here and several of my kind have been sent her to learn about the human species..." he begins to explain.

"You aren't going to probe me are you? Because I'm not really down with that...I'll tell you whatever you need to know." I interrupt.

"No, of course not," he replies, "Probing is an archaic form of scientific study...we are much more advanced than that."

I am relieved, "Oh, well good."

"We have actually learned all we need to and have advanced to the next level of scientific discovery." He tells me, "Of course, that is where I have failed as a researcher."

He hangs his head and I pat him on the shoulder, "Um...there, there. I'm sorry. But how can I help?"

He looks up at me hopefully, "The next phase of our research is breeding."

Breeding? Shit.

"Did my mother send you?" I ask.

"Your mother? Ah, the infamous Hadley Reed? No...she did not." He answers simply.

"Okay, so let me guess, you want me to carry your spawn?" I ask.

He sighs, "It would be of utmost help to me, you see, I have yet to find a human woman to mate with. All of my colleagues are busy studying their young and I am a failure." He starts to cry again.

I sigh. I can't stand the site of a man crying...even an alien man...ugh. Why do I get myself into these situations?

"Don't cry," I tell him, "I'll be glad to have your baby."

He literally jumps up and down, "Oh thank you! Thank you! When can we begin the mating process?"

He steps a bit closer to me and I worry that he's going to start the "mating process" right her.
"Whoa cowboy, hold your horses. Let me get my daughter to bed and we'll get things going. Please come in...help yourself to anything you want in the fridge. I'll be right back."

I pick Lenna up out of her walker and ask her, "How does Mama get herself in these situations, Len?"

"Maaaama...maaaama...maaaaama," is the only thing she replies.

Her talking is kind of slow and the only thing she can say is my name over and over again, like the beginning of a chant, but it's still cute.

I get her to bed and come back downstairs.

I find Irfan downstairs looking at my bookshelves. I hope he doesn't eat them. It didn't occur to me that maybe they eat different things than we do.

"See anything of interest?" I ask him.

"Your taste in human literature is vast, and I see no television. The rumors about you are true then?" He responds.

"Rumors?" I ask.

"That you reject all human technology," he responds.

"Reject...despise...whatever you want to call it." I tell him.

"I am curious to see if you would respond to our technology...it is not metal and bulky, but small and fleshy...and often implanted directly into the skin at birth." he tells me.

Ick. Just thinking about that gives me the heebie jeebies, "there won't be any implanting of anything in that baby will there?"

"No, it won't be necessary," he says.

Thank goodness.

So we go about "mating" which is pretty similar to human "mating" even though he says that it would be different if I were a woman of his species, but because the implantation happens in my body, we need to mate the way humans do.

I know what you're thinking, Bonnie has found herself such a charmer, hasn't she?

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

The next day I put Lenna back into her walker. She loves this thing. Isn't she so cute?

She would sit and play in it all day, but I have better plans.

We go on a walk to the local grocery store and at first she is sulky that I made her get out of her walker, especially since she was practicing taking some steps...

...but eventually she learns to love it.

When we get home I start to work on a garden, so Lenna goes back to her walker.

Over the next few days, my stomach starts to grow.

"Hey there little alien baby," I tell him or her. This one never seems to quit kicking. I hope it only has one set of arms and legs...and everything else is in the right place.

Hmm, I didn't think to ask. I am really losing my touch with this having babies thing.